My Confession?

*Curiosity Kills The Cat*

I bet we all know what that means but at this point of time, I AM STILL NOT KILLED by it.

I've been always having the curiosity wanting to know why people disagree or having the little perk of irritability towards me, my behaviour, my words, my gestures, my everything.

One thing before I continue, I live for myself. If you don't like my way, just walk out from my life. I will eventually *forget* you, in words. But, the memories will still be there. For, it was *carved*. Yes, this sounds harsh. But I do always remind myself on this when I do meet some unreasonably atrocious loathsome creatures.

At times, I take things for granted but I do cherish some other times too.

I know words hurt. Especially when they're disheartening but that's the way we know what goes wrong and what to do with it. Yes, some will prefer keeping mum about it. But the accumulation of the feelings buried deep down will eventually leads to pseudo [miniature] dypsnea. The only one suffering will be nobody else but ourselves.

For that, I've been always letting people know what I pest on certain things they've done or said. Some accepted while the others, perhaps slightly affected I guess. When things are settled, we're back being friends again. These are the things I've done in my varsity life from the very 1st semester.

"Friends are the ones who Forgive & Forget without holding Grudges."

[my point of view on Friends]

I know clearly that for certain kind of things forgiveness are just so out of the context. When that happens, I think there's no more such values being clinched as "friend".

Say, when you've hurt your bestie's sis/bro by dumping them, making them horribly devastated trying to kill themselves over you? Perhaps time will heals things but the hurt has been there. And it will always be. A barrier will eventually be built.

Before my varsity life, I've never been an initiator but in facts, I'm a pessimist. I never talk. I never play. I never joke. I never mix. Especially to/towards/with guys. And this had somehow made me in no condition to talk to them [ex-classmates] up till now from the very first start, not when they did not initiate. Yes, this is bad. But once a habit, it'll always be, a HABIT.

For a change, I've totally transformed myself to a better level. I've talked more. I've played and this sounds so wrong! I've joke. I've been trying to bring out my confidence, my dare-devil, my optimism, and the best that I could ever portray. Yes, I did. Although it was not a perfect 10, but I really did.

But somehow too much of those mentioned, People hate. People talk. People shun you. Fine. I don't care 'coz coming back to the point again, who am I living for? Not everybody can *click* together. Not every key can open to a locker. I bet you guys do understand the theory of Lock & Key...

"Friends are the ones who stand by each other..."

I've once never meet strangers. Don't even think of me saying "HI" or "SMILE" at that time. I mean it. Seriously. Coz I was thinking that it'll be silly of me if the so-called *greetings* were not reciprocated. But look at me now, thinking of how I'm breaking the barrier by meeting up with bloggers. A smile before saying "hi" is like so tough for me! This does sound like crap but I mean it. Fellow bloggers, please do pardon me but I'm really working on it. ><"

I like making friends but I'm more like a listener than a talker myself and yet I've always fantasized about hosting an event, a show or whatsoever that I can go blabbing around without a care on how I looked. But sad case, I stutter when I'm nervous ; Pronunciation went wrong ; Lost my self-praised accent ; etc & etc. =P

I think I shall stop now. I have a whole loads of ceaseless draggy stuffs in mind but yes yes, I shall halt here. Before I bid farewell to my final post of the year, let me share a little something, a saying, a quote, or perhaps a sentence that barged into my miniature brain hours ago...

"Human, nothing but a complicated creature..."

Till then and I'm gonna wish everybody a very Happy New Year ahead! =) Happy 2011 !